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Warning: Kleenex recommended

Five years ago, we were just beginning to understand the severity of the COVID-19 pandemic and the necessity to isolate as much as possible from each other.

At the same time, I was admitted to hospital with what turned out to be a brain tumour.

We realised straight away that the diagnosis was very serious and that the outcome would not be good.

I started this blog as a way to remind myself of all the good times and of all the funny things that have happened to me during my lifetime. This was a diversion for me to stay focused on things that are more precious to me.

What resulted is a series of anecdotes and commentaries on the way things are, were, or could have been. Judging from the response, I think that some of my writings have been a bit interesting.

 Your comments and encouragement have been very much appreciated throughout this time.

This is the entry that I knew would have to come one day and that I have dreaded. It is with a very heavy heart that I write these next lines.

A few weeks ago, I went for a routine checkup at the MR- lab. The images showed that the cancer had returned to approximately the same place at the back of my brain. There was a slight hope that it would be possible to operate although this would involve considerable risk to my field of vision. My team were doubtful from the start.

A new set of images has shown that the tumour has continued to grow at such a rate that it will not be possible to operate. A consequence of previous treatments with chemotherapy is that the tumour is almost certain to be resistant, meaning that further treatment is not an option.

For the journey that I have ahead of me, I have my own resistance, resilience and wicked sense of humour together with support of my family and you to take me as far along the road as possible.

We are devastated by this development, while at the same time determined to make every moment count. In the meantime, I feel strong and healthy and able to meet the challenges ahead. It may be difficult, but I find strength and encouragement in your support.

We have rekindled our collection for the Swedish brain foundation hoping your generosity will allow us to reach a new target, see an upcoming blogpost.

Keep yourselves posted on this blog as I may yet find some anecdotal pearls of wisdom somewhere in the bottomless pit of my memories.

Our door is almost always open, so if you are passing by you will certainly be welcome to drop in for a tea or coffee. Call on our mobiles first, and just in case bring a bun or similar so you won’t have to leave hungry!

It’s now gone three months since my latest operation. The surgery went very well although it was a bit bigger than I had expected. Since then I have had three rounds of chemotherapy, which have resulted in me being very tired and fatigued. I took the last tablets of my third round yesterday evening and am now looking forward to a couple of weeks of recovery over the Christmas break.

After the festivities, I have another three rounds of chemotherapy, after which, I should be back on track again. I have also an MRI booked in the beginning of January to check that I still have a hole in my head and no activity.

I’ve not been good at writing anything on my bloglately, but I really appreciate all the comments that have turned up in the meantime and I feel that your support always gives me some extra energy.

As we move into the Christmas season, I, together with the rest of my family, send you our best wishes for the holiday period and for the year to come.

I´ll be back.

Made a visit to the barber in order to disguise the bald patch mentioned in the previous post. I decided not to go for the Mohican, but for a GI-Joe style instead.

I thought I would be very conspicuous, but on a quick visit to the supermarket, I noticed that a lot of other men, and one lady, had similar cuts. Have I suddenly become fashionable?

I think that a hair-wash will take less than half a teaspoon of shampoo. Not so good for the manufacturers!

Almost half-way through the radiation treatment and the first signs have become visible. None of them are unexpected, and none are any cause for worry. I have some small reddish patches on the left side of my face where the radiation enters to do the treatment, and on the right side of my head just behind my ear there is a growing patch where my hair is starting to fall out. This is also a result of the radiation treatment.

There is nothing to do about this except accept it and try to make it look a bit better, so I have therefore decided to visit my barber again and get a suitable haircut. There are several options available, which include complete shaving of the head just like Yul Brynner, tidying up around the affected area or maybe getting a new Mohican.

Which alternative do you think most suitable? Leave a comment.

Monday to Friday I am off to the hospital for my radiation treatment. The daily dose is 2 Gy 2 Grays* (named after Louis Gray, a radiobiologist from London, who worked together with a number of prominent physicists, including Lawrence Bragg, Nobel prize in physics, 1915). In total I will get a dose of 60 Gy, which means 30 visits to the radiotherapy ward. So far, the treatment has gone very well. Apart from a brief period of nausea last weekend, I have been in good shape and have managed daily exercise in the gym or on extended walks – I am not allowed to run as the pounding of the ground might affect the tissues being treated.

Due to the pandemic, friends and relatives are not allowed to accompany patients to their treatment. A consequence of this is that the only people on the treatment side of the department doors either have some form of cancer or are there as part of the treatment teams, including support and cleaning staff. The conversations are therefore direct and straight to the point. Each person has some form of tumour in some part of their body, and almost everyone has some amusing anecdote to tell about their treatment or consequences thereof. It is very refreshing to feel the positive attitude of each of my fellow team-mates in the fight against our tumours. Each is prepared to put up a good fight and to ultimately win.

As mentioned, I am in good health and very optimistic about my treatment. I leave you, therefore with this:

All watercolours by Jenny Holland

If you happen to have some salmon leftovers in your fridge you might want to try this recipe.

It is a salmon Wallenbergare inspired by the veal Wallenbergare which is very popular in Sweden. I checked a few recipes on-line and made my own from what I thought were the best available.

It just so happened that I had some salmon hanging around in the kitchen. It, the salmon, didn’t seem to be the best piece of salmon I ever had, so I decided to make an alternative dish with it to disguise the poor quality. It turned out to be quite a successful dish which is why I choose to share this with you.

For six portions you will need:

800 g Salmon

5 g salt

1 egg

1 egg yolk

1 dl cream (used motor oil is just as good)

Cayenne pepper

Black pepper

Some breadcrumbs

Some potatoes

Some peas

Some more salt

Some butter

A little cream (do not use motor oil as an alternative here)

Zap the salmon and salt in a food processor for a few, 3 – 4, seconds. Beat the eggs, normally I would not approve of domestic violence, but in the case of eggs it is ok, and mix together with the salmon. Add the cayenne and black peppers according to your particular taste and form the mixture into six equally sized balls. Put a large frying pan on a low heat, maybe about 150 degrees, with some butter or oil for frying. Cover the balls with breadcrumbs and carefully place in the frying pan. Fry for 4 – 5 minutes then carefully turn them over, gently flatten, and fry for a further 4 – 5 minutes. The centre of the Wallenbergare should reach about 48  degrees.

Those of you who are very observant will have noticed that I forgot to use the 1 dl cream. This can be returned to the fridge for use elsewhere, or to your car if you chose the motor oil alternative.

Serve the Salmon Wallenbergare together with mashed potatoes and peas. Use some melted butter as a topping on the Wallenbergare.

The Wallenbergare was originally made for the Wallenberg family and consisted of finely ground veal mixed with eggs and cream and lightly sauteed then served with mashed potato, peas and lingonberry jam. It could be said that the Wallenbergare is a variation on the dish Veau à la Pojarski which originated during the 19th century.

I attended a workshop in Brussels, a few years ago, on the topic of making the energy sector in Europe free from greenhouse gas emissions. As I arrived early, I was invited to join a lunch meeting with some of the head research officers from a number of major car manufacturers from Europe and Asia. It was an interesting lunch with discussions touching biofuels, hydrogen and various permutations on electric cars and hybrids. It was a remarkably open meeting, considering the people present and the interests that they represented.

Eventually the discussions got round to current events in Europe. It was after the UK had invoked article 50 and during a period of relative inertia in the UK-EU negotiations. One, rather undiplomatic, representative from the EU expressed a feeling that it was all taking rather too long, distracting from other more important issues within the EU, and stated that the UK should just “Get on with it!”

I have had the same feeling about my current situation. We know what was there, we know what to do about it so just let us “get on with it!” At last, earlier this week, my treatment started (see an earlier post). I have been fine, taking my medications and having the area were the tumour once resided zapped for a couple of minutes with high energy rays. On Friday evening, as I retired, I was in good spirits considering that more than 10 % of the treatment was completed without feeling any side effects. At about 4:30 that all changed. My stomach sent me a message, saying “Please do not send any more of those capsules! And while you are listening consider fetching a bucket, bowl or similar receptacle.” All of my previous core training sessions finally came to fruition. As a child, I had a weak stomach, but now I can throw up as far as the best. I even had the muscular pain as a reminder.

The wonders of modern medicine mean that there is a strategy to get this particular side effect under control, so I am looking forward to a return to a normal sleeping pattern.

A number of years ago. Actually, quite a long time ago, Sing along sound of music had just become popular, and we had to go and see it. We got together a large part of the Folkeson clan and met at the cinema in Stockholm for an evening of song and laughter.

At the sing along version of the film, the audience are encouraged to join in as much as possible. This, naturally, includes singing all of the songs. There was a small song pamphlet with all of the lyrics, but generally, this was superfluous. Dressing up in a way that fitted in with the film was also appreciated by the staff and the rest of the audience. Some of the costumes were fairly obvious while others needed a good deal of imagination. Dressing as a nun was a particularly popular theme, so there were plenty of nuns in the cinema that evening. Many of them were bearded!

Most of the clan were dressed as the von Trapp children, attired in curtain fabric and accompanied by a suitably dressed Maria, with hat and guitar case. There is one particular scene in the film where Captain von Trapp attends a ball at the local castle during this scene most of the audience were dancing in the aisles of the cinema.

Each time Captain von Trapp appeared on screen, the audience had to stand up and say “Aye-aye Captain”, or if the captain was being too hard on his children “Aye-aye-aye Captain”, and every time the mountains came into view the audience were required to shout out “The hills”. As the film takes place in the Austrian alps, this happens quite a lot.

This brings me to the title of this particular page; There is a song in the film with the title “Climb every mountain” sung by the Abbess, which gained particular relevance when I returned home from the hospital yesterday. I had with me a whole bunch of tablets to keep me under treatment for the next six weeks. This is the mountain that I have to climb, and every time I see them I fell like shouting “The pills!”

I am now at day two of my combined radiation- and chemotherapy. So far everything feels good. I took a long walk this afternoon and had a session in the gym with the physiotherapist at the hospital. At my desk I have Caesar to keep me company.